again..don't care about the title

i don't know why the sudden emoness rush.. i just felt it and still feeling it..

looking back.. i've practically wasted 2 years waiting for something that's just never meant to be.. sometimes i wonder why i am the way i am.. it's not that i've never tried letting go.. i really did put a lot of effort in it and there was a period which it worked and i was so happy with things just the way it was.. then my old habit kicked in and the cycle started all over again.. it's really frustrating to begin with, i want to move on, i really do but there's just something that keeps pulling me back which really ruins me.. all the what ifs are killing me.. some advice me to let go and i couldn't agree more and yet i'm holding on to something which will never materialise.. i think the worst part is that even though she's never,not once remotely indicated that she'll be interested, somehow i keep giving myself false hope.. i must be one of the stupidest guy on earth i guess.. there are times which i don't know what i want.. her or to stay away from her..

college is coming up and i seriously hope i can move on by then..

early christmas dinner

just came back from Li Chung's house for early chirstmas dinner.. nothing much to shout about..had games of Jengga and GREAT i repeat GREAT dinner.. his family damn great cook..

then when Cheryl,John,Jie Yi and Jordan left, BrianC, ah neh, Wei Ren, KJ, Jia Cheng, Li Chung and I had chun emo session.. we listen to a lot a lot a lot of emo songs using JC's laptop.. it was less talking more listening to slow,emo,heartbreaking music but it was really good.. like therapy session.. we listen from around 11 i think until 12.30 or so..

somehow i think we should do this more often.. emo songs anyone??

PANGKOR

the pangkor trip was AWESOME..it has everything you want in a trip with a big group..

stuff that i learn during the trip
- if you can't fucking drink don't drink..all you'll do is embarrass yourself and create problems for everyone else
- SAD DRUNKS are hillarious
- i finally got tipsy so i know my limits now when it comes to drinking
- texas poker is a really fun game hahahahahha
- sitting by the beach in the dark is really nice.. listening to the waves is really soothing and relaxing.. no matter sitting alone or being with our partner.. doing this just brings you to your own care-free world..

i really want to blog about everything but i need chinese for it and there were too many incidents.. waste of time and energy..

FUCKING HYPOCRITES!!

i god damn fucking hate chee bye hypocrites.. who was the fucker who said i'm an idiot dlding shows when we can stream and watch it.. now the same fucker kacau me every week to fucking dl the show..chee bye you so smart go fucking stream lah what for dl.. asshole..

and i fucking wasted 65 bucks and my time and my energy..

terrible start to the week..

it's been boring ever since spm ended.. i've pretty much done nothing except finish shopping for my prom outfit..

i dyed my hair..i have no idea what's the exact colour since the stylist mixed the colours but i'm guessing it's goldish auburn?? i don't know but it really looks great in darker environment.. if i were to stand under the sun my hair will be like really bright which makes me look lala and makes my eyebrow really pop..now i look like a japanese punk or monkey king from journey to the west depending on how you look at my hair.. a shade too bright but it'll still good.. can't regret it now can i..

went to Taylor's open day.. i pretty much know what i want but my dad's really naggy and all.. it's his money afterall that pays for my education.. i don't want to study the malay background speaking but it's and easy subject which i can score to pull my grades up.. now it's between getting good grades or studying something which interest me more.. sucks to choose..

going to this charity dinner thingy tomorrow night..hope i'll enjoy it..

Memoir

my 5 year tenure as a catholic high school student has come to a close.. another chapter of my life ends while a new exciting one is taking shape(except this holiday since i'm slacking around at home doing nothing)

i still remember the 1st days of my CHS life.. sticking around john and wei jun since i still don't have any new friends but at least my days were better than wei jie's.. throughout my form 1 life i think my biggest regret was joining QM i guess.. thinking about it now i'm just no suited to be with that type of society(no offence)..i mean i can be friends with them but somehow i dont think we'll ever click.. i had my 1st love life in f1 too.. not really a good one but it's just to get the feel..

every year of my high school life just keeps getting better and better.. f2 and f3 was probably the best years of CHS plainly because it was the most free period of my high school life.. i had my best love during form 2 and which until now i never regretted anything..though i got my pants pulled down by shea shin not once but twice.. once in f1 and the 2nd in f2.. quite pissed off actually.. we're teenagers, not kids.. grow up asshole..

f3 was as i say the horniest year of my high school life..guess sitting beside chun kit for a whole year does has it's effect.. i still remember vomiting behind the class and teacher was still there teaching in front not knowing what had happened.. useless teacher.. i had my 1st ever performance as a band during the school's Golden Jubilee concert which was awesome.. subsequently we've performed a few more times which was really great.. i miss my f3 life..

f4 and f5 is definitely my most emotionally-tough years... the struggle and hardship over these two years have definitely made me stronger and think more wisely.. my time as finance director of interact club has thought me a very valuable lesson "no matter how badly you don't want a responsibility it is always there and you must take up the responsibility regardless of what you think".. and as much fun as it had been, sitting beside ah neh does have it's effects.. now i'm just bombarding insults all over the place without the need to think.. and i em-ceed the scout's campfire which was a bloody huge event.. i wasn't feeling well throughout the event but did my best i couldn't have any regrets.. it was a great experience to be a host for around 1000 people i guess?? fun times of scout hahaha..

overall i really enjoyed my high school like in CHS and i would like to thank everyone who had supported me throughout the tougher times.. i prefer not to name names in case i left out some and cause uneasiness in our relationship..

i wish all of you best of luck in your future and really hope that we'll see each other again..