Falling Apart

OMG after not listening to X-Japan for over 2 weeks i just can't take it anymore..they are just so good and yet they are not so famous around the world..then again i've notice a lot of people around the world only noticed them when watching youtube and all of them LOVE X-Japan..power huh..they are back but without Hide(Hideto Matsumoto) who is the most entertaining one in the band..unfortunately he passed away on 2nd May 1998 due to an accident cause he was drunk..anyway X-Japan is back together and they are paying tribute to Hide with a song called "without you" i think..i've heard that Yoshiki shortlisted around 10 guitarist to join the band..even if they found a guitarist who is skill-wise up to Hide's standard..that dude can never replace Hide's enthusiasm when performing..i really wanna go to Japan and watch them perform..they are one of the most influential bands in Japan.. i know some of u guys think that i'm crazy but that's just me..i really love X-Japan..

anyway our school exams were over on tuesday..CHS always has a way to make students pissed off..they had to drag the exams up to almost 5 weeks long including the holidays..i thought holidays were to let us rest after a semester of hard work and studying..how can CHS do this to us man..ruining the holiday mood cause we're all worried about the exams..why can't they just have the exams like 1 or 2 weeks after the holidays..at least we can have some peace during the holidays..or even better HAVE THE BLOODY SHITASS EXAMS BEFORE THE HOLIDAY!!!! i just got back my add maths and mod maths paper today together with my moral paper..i scored 20 for add maths..not bad knowing that i've only done 25 marks worth of questions..i got 57 for mod maths and 56 for moral..they are not too bad..around the marks i've expected..mr.tee already said that lessons resumes next week..wtf man we just finish our exams..can't he at least let us take some time off..this is serious torture man..i'll be getting most of my other results by the end off the week..hopefully i can get a good grade and purata..if not my mom's seriously gonna kill me..she trusted me that i'll study on my own during the holidays and i betrayed her trust..i'm feeling really really guilty now..i'm gonna work hard on the finals..i have to..it's the only way i can think of to clear the debt i owe my mom..

man i've been really messed up lately..being really really emo..i guess that's just life..and emo is part of it..i dunno what should i do..should i just let her go and move on or just do nothing and wait blindly..i really hate myself..i feel like a useless shit now..being so weak and vulnerable..i like her..i really do..but then so what if i like her..it's not like i can do anything about it..sometimes i just want it all to end..to feel nothing..to just be cold blooded and have no feelings for anything or anyone..i know that is just plain sick but i can't help it..my world is falling deeper and deeper and deeper into a tunnel and so far i can't see any light at the other end of the tunnel..why must human beings have such complicated feeling??

haizzz life is like that and i'll just have to accept it..there's no denying that i hate such life but then again to me acceptance is the 1st step towards freedom and salvation..